Sneak Peak
Dedication
I want to dedicate the first portion of my book to my heroes, my former scholars from April 2008: Nicolas Rogoff, Ally Rosemond, Roman Robinson, Nicole Terrell, Adam McCray, Sylver Wallace, Shalamar Jamerson, Lisa Mattis, and Tamika Scott. I promised you all that one day the world would know what you did for your school and the District, and here it is.
By my own definition, a scholar is one who possesses a great level of intelligence, and is not afraid to share that intelligence with the world. You nine epitomize that very essence of those words. I could have never made it through the 2008 school year without you. Your love, honor, and respect for each other—regardless of differences in gender, race, or ethnicity—were my inspiration and my hope. I pray that you learned as much from me as I learned from you, and may this portion of the book live with you in your hearts forever. Always remember that every movement has a leader, but it is the followers and supporters that make the movement a success. You all changed the nature of your school in the midst of intense heat and fear, and you loved and embraced my heart when others had abandoned me. Your demonstration of charity and courage was rare and unique, and for that I honor you.
To the parents of these fantastic scholars, your love and support for us brought so much hope and encouragement. I honor you as well. You have produced heroes unlike any other.
Lastly, I want to dedicate this entire book to all those who desire to be grand in this world, and for those who aspire to make a change in our society. The greatest act that we can accomplish in life is not that we become famous and make a name for ourselves. Neither is it having our image in the spotlight. Rather, our greatest moments come to us when we perform one thing: service to mankind. We must understand that looking beyond our own selfish needs and seeking to serve those who have no voice and who have no hope are our greatest feats. Jesus, our great Hope and Savior, said that if any desire to be first in the kingdom, he must be a servant. (“If any man desires to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all” Mark 9:35). The greatest act of servitude is to love—to show love towards our family, our neighbors, and yes, even our enemies. Our love for others will cause us to do what is necessary to help those in need. This is what makes us great. It should be the desire of our hearts that when we are gone from this earth, our legacy of love towards others remains engraved in society for the next generation to follow. God has given us this authority to love, and we must never neglect such great power. When we recognize, appreciate, and apply this God-given endowment, then and only then will we be change makers and world shakers.
Introduction
For months, I had been waiting for the moment to finally share what had been on my heart and in my mind for so long. It would seem as though every time I tried to speak up and defend myself against all the things that were negatively spoken against me, the Spirit of the Lord would silence me. For a while, it seemed like He had nearly taken me off the face of the earth because no one had heard from me in months. And anyone that knows me understands that if anything is directed towards me in a negative fashion, it is quickly met with a sharp or harsh word. But this was the first time that I had seen the Lord stand in front of me and declare, “This is My battle, and you will not have to fight.”
I don’t know how else to begin this book other than to give thanks and praise to the Lord of Heaven and Earth. I can’t imagine what my life would be like had I never known the Lord. He has demonstrated such grace and mercy, and I know I would not have made it through any situation without Him.
When I first made the decision to record the events that had happened to me within the last five years as an educator, I believed that I was doing it to simply keep record of things as a personal memoir. I always had a desire to write books and share with the world whatever God placed on my heart; but I did not envision that my first book would discuss the most trying and difficult times of my life. I never imagined that my name would be in headlines across the nation. I never once thought that people outside my sphere of influence would ever hear my voice; but over the years, my name became one that people admired, respected, praised, despised, or feared. I realize that all the things that I had been through thus far were future testimonies of God’s saving grace and power, which would be used to help others in dire situations, and would also draw many to Christ.
There were a few people who told me that it was not a good idea to put my story out there; that I should just forget about what had happened to me, and move on with life. I heard their advice, and I asked the Lord what to do. I could have kept silent about my story and just let time erase all things, but I couldn’t resist the unction to speak once again. It’s like when Jeremiah told the Lord that he would not speak anymore because the people did not believe the Word given to him; but the message of God burned like an unquenchable fire in his soul. How do you contain such unction? How do you tell the Lord, “I won’t speak anymore because it cost too much”? I tell you, it is virtually impossible to restrain such unction. And from that, I realized that it was not my job to worry or fear what others may think or say, but to do what I do best, and that is to speak out.
When I began constructing this book, I asked the Lord to help me consider how to format it. Most books are broken up into selective chapters to help the reader transition from one topic to the next; and although I tried to do that, it didn’t feel authentic to the nature of my story.
The incidents that most people are aware of are not isolated moments, and I have attempted to share with the reader the context of everything to show how it all eventually led to my arrest on November 9, 2010, and my eventual deliverance. Because so much had happened within a few years, I have broken my book into two separate parts. The first portion of my book provides some background information, and also tells the story of my first four years at Rodriguez High School in Fairfield, California through chronological narration; while the second half of the book is divided into daily journal entries that record the events after my arrest, and the emotions I went through while enduring this test.
Throughout the book, the reader will notice that I go from moments of fear to faith to patience. That’s where the title comes from. At times, I am very confident and strong in my faith, and other times I express real fears that I had during the course of the years. But through it all, I had to learn to let patience have its perfect work in me. Patience shows that we are able to wait on God to do what only He can do. My patience is proof that I believe God to give me my breakthrough and my miracle.
Through my story, I want people to see how God’s strength and power were with me immensely throughout these five years. Some will sympathize with the story; others will criticize. But ultimately I pray that my story will show how even when we are in our lowest state, we have someone fighting for us in our corner. Whenever we feel inept to affect change in our society and especially the schools, God gives us the wisdom and might to do what’s right, even in the face of public scrutiny and professional backlash.
To conclude this Introduction, I want to take this moment to say to the scholars (past and present) who embraced my heart and who loved me unconditionally: You are my pride and joy. You brought so much happiness and excitement to my life, and I will never forget you. Nothing that you could ever do, whether to me or to others, will make me hate or despise you. I still pray earnestly for your success and well-being; and while others may mock or ridicule me for the unyielding love I showed towards you, I know that ultimately I did exactly what I was supposed to do in propelling you to the next level. I pray that you will grow in strength, wisdom, and knowledge; but most of all, I pray that you will know the Lord and become a partaker in His divine Kingdom. I pray that the blessings of the Lord will draw you closer to Him; and I pray that God will give me grace and mercy to see some of you again. May all that you do and say bring honor to the One Who made you and called you, and may His peace abide with you forever.
With unconditional love,
Ms. Killings
Chapter 10
I Really Hate This Place--2007-2008 School Year, Second Year at RHS
“It is time for the Lord to act. They have frustrated Your law” (Psalms 119:126 AMP).
When we are confronted with a particular problem, we have the God-given right to provide a resolution to the situation. When that problem affects a segment of society, we must call upon the Lord to act on our behalf. If there is one law that God will not allow us to “frustrate,” it is His commandment to love others. Racism and hatred are direct violations of God’s law of love, and when these demonic forces come to the surface and manifest their destructive work, it is time for the Lord to act.
______________________________________________________________________________
Year two was a huge turning point for me in my teaching career. We had another new principal, but it was the same person who interviewed me at Davis. To be honest, I was a lot more nervous at the start of this year than I was last year. If there was one principal that I needed to have my back during this time, it was that one from the previous year. I wasn’t sure how things would pan out for me, but I knew that in spite of what I felt, God obviously had me there for a reason. I was a bit hesitant about that school year because I wasn’t sure if this principal would give me the same protection that my first administrator gave. But I had to trust God.
For the most part, everything ran rather smoothly for me. I had no trouble with students. I continued teaching cultural history. Unlike the previous year, I had a better relationship with the teachers. Everything was going well for me individually. But like the first year, there was always something going on at that school that disturbed my spirit, and often made me want to leave that site.
Any time I walked around the campus, I could always hear students (no matter their race) saying some of the most racist, insensitive, and intolerant comments I had ever heard. They seemed to say and do things with little concern as to how it would affect others; and they did it with no threat of a consequence. In addition to that, I continued to witness how so many minority students were getting in trouble for the same offenses that non-minority students committed. That school had one assistant principal who always seemed to target the Black students, and I remember how much it bothered me. But I couldn’t really say anything because they were my bosses, right? I wouldn’t even know how to bring up the situation to them, so I continued to do my teaching, and tried to avoid the topic altogether. (This is an issue that many people have. We see a problem going on in our society, and rather than having the courage to say something about it, we let it go on in hopes that one day it will disappear. I wonder what life would have been like if Dr. King, Malcolm X, Harriet Tubman, and others simply ignored the problems of their day. At some point, we have to put aside our fears, and step out in faith. If we want change in our nation, our schools, our churches, and our homes, then we must be ready to act. No one will do a better job of making a difference than you. Be that change agent.)
Whenever minority students complained to me about the discrimination in punishments, I told them that while I understood their anguish, they had to do everything in their power to not draw that negative attention. If they knew they were being targeted, then they needed to simply comply with the school’s rules and regulations even more. I knew that my advice wasn’t alleviating their frustrations too much, but I didn’t know how else to help them avoid this trouble other than to work with them individually.
Even when I seen how my students, who were the “trouble makers” of the school, attempted to do better academically and behaviorally, I noticed that some teachers and administrators continued to “harass” them in spite of their accomplishments. I started to bring this discussion to my classes (as was my custom), and I asked them all (of all races) if they noticed a discrepancy in how administration dealt with the students. To my surprise, they all reported that there was a clear distinction in the way that minority and White students were treated. White students in my class noticed this, and explained that they knew they could get away with things because they were White; but they also indicated that if a Black student did something, they (Blacks) would get in more trouble for committing the same offense. Initially, I assumed that this was only seen by minority students, but when my White scholars spoke on it, I knew that things were more serious than I could have ever imagined.
Now, everyone who knows me understands that I am not the type of person who can simply watch an injustice go by and say nothing about it forever (“Keep justice, do and use righteousness” Isaiah 56:1). Unlike many people, I internalize the hurts of those closest to me; and my students were my children, no matter their race. Even though I was close to them in age, I still saw them as my babies; and if you hurt my children, I’m coming after you.
I could see how much this discrepancy in discipline affected my kids. I knew that if they were in the office all the time, then they missed out on their education. I knew that if they were always suspended, then they would miss days of pertinent instruction, which was not a guarantee that they could make up. Minority students, especially males, are already dealing with a disadvantage in the PUBLIC educational system, and the last thing they needed was extra harassment or mistreatment from their educators. (Conduct research on the Educational Crisis among Minority Males. The statistics will alarm you. The same trend that is found in this particular research was also noticed in the Fairfield-Suisun Unified School District. It wasn’t until this issue was brought to light by me and my heroes that the District was forced to address it. But I’m getting ahead of myself again.)
I will not say for once that my kids were perfect. I had drug dealers in my class; I had drug users in my class; I had prostitutes and pimps in my class. I had students who were violent and outlandish with people. I had all kinds of kids. But there was something working between us. I knew that if I could see the good in them, then if others gave them the chance, then they could see it also. If other teachers and administrators had given them the love, time, and patience that I did, then they would experience the same results. That’s the kind of teacher I was and still am. No matter what wrong they did, I would always be there to help them achieve success and bring them out of this bondage that we call ignorance and self-destruction. I believed in them so much, and many had never experienced that kind of devotion from a teacher. I knew everyone thought that my children connected with me because I was attractive and young, but that mess wears away. Looks and youth are vain, and after a while, one’s personality will have to make the difference. My kids felt my heart and had my spirit, and they knew I was there for them. That’s why they connected to me. That’s why we worked well together. On top of that, I had the presence of God with me, and the anointing attracts people. (Look at the kind of people that flocked to Jesus. I took my cues from Him.)
Seeing the students suffer because of racism, discrimination, and prejudice was killing me. The discrepancies in punishments for minority and non-minority students really hit me hard in April 2008 when a terrible school-wide incident occurred that received national attention because I and my heroes refused to be silent. No other event in my life, besides this rape case that I am dealing with now, had affected me as deeply as that incident. That experience marked for me a turning point in my professional career. I knew that when that event occurred, it would change the course of things for me, and I would no longer be the “golden” teacher that the District hired just a year prior. I knew that by becoming active in that affair, of which I will speak in the next section, I was jeopardizing what I had worked so hard for—a lucrative teaching career within this District. But I also knew that unless someone did something about this racism and prejudice in the system, then it would persist for years, and my children would continue to suffer for future generations. I want the reader to be aware that it is not the act of the crime that had me mostly upset; but the role that the school administrators, your children’s leaders, the same ones who are over the school now, had in IGNORING the crime that made the situation unjust. As I sat back and watched the situation go under the radar, I felt compelled to do something. (We must always remember that children and youth will sometimes do things out of ignorance and stupidity; but it our responsibility as educators and leaders to correct that behavior in a way that will not only deter such crimes from happening again, but also educate our youth to love as Christ loves. That’s our job!).
It is important to note that as time went on, the story of the crime committed on school grounds had changed; but what I share has remained constant. Because I was so immersed in the situation, I purposely recorded the events as they happened day by day. The story told is based on eye witness accounts and my own personal testimony of the event. Whether or not people believe the story is on them; but it is accurate, and I have provided evidence to support what I share. It is the story of what my students (the ones mentioned in the “Dedication”) and I did in order to see change in our school. Little did we know that we would profoundly impact the entire District. I pray that as others read this story, they will feel a sense of urgency to act on behalf of those who are disenfranchised and mistreated. When God gives us a platform to make a change, we must honor Him and fulfill that purpose, regardless of the cost. This was that “Queen Esther” moment that had been given to me when I was just a young a girl. I knew that I could have easily said nothing, and carried on with work as usual; but my children were suffering and hurting. And that burden was too much for me. If I perished by my actions, then that was a risk I had to take.
Copyright 2011 Felecia S. Killings
I want to dedicate the first portion of my book to my heroes, my former scholars from April 2008: Nicolas Rogoff, Ally Rosemond, Roman Robinson, Nicole Terrell, Adam McCray, Sylver Wallace, Shalamar Jamerson, Lisa Mattis, and Tamika Scott. I promised you all that one day the world would know what you did for your school and the District, and here it is.
By my own definition, a scholar is one who possesses a great level of intelligence, and is not afraid to share that intelligence with the world. You nine epitomize that very essence of those words. I could have never made it through the 2008 school year without you. Your love, honor, and respect for each other—regardless of differences in gender, race, or ethnicity—were my inspiration and my hope. I pray that you learned as much from me as I learned from you, and may this portion of the book live with you in your hearts forever. Always remember that every movement has a leader, but it is the followers and supporters that make the movement a success. You all changed the nature of your school in the midst of intense heat and fear, and you loved and embraced my heart when others had abandoned me. Your demonstration of charity and courage was rare and unique, and for that I honor you.
To the parents of these fantastic scholars, your love and support for us brought so much hope and encouragement. I honor you as well. You have produced heroes unlike any other.
Lastly, I want to dedicate this entire book to all those who desire to be grand in this world, and for those who aspire to make a change in our society. The greatest act that we can accomplish in life is not that we become famous and make a name for ourselves. Neither is it having our image in the spotlight. Rather, our greatest moments come to us when we perform one thing: service to mankind. We must understand that looking beyond our own selfish needs and seeking to serve those who have no voice and who have no hope are our greatest feats. Jesus, our great Hope and Savior, said that if any desire to be first in the kingdom, he must be a servant. (“If any man desires to be first, the same shall be last of all, and servant of all” Mark 9:35). The greatest act of servitude is to love—to show love towards our family, our neighbors, and yes, even our enemies. Our love for others will cause us to do what is necessary to help those in need. This is what makes us great. It should be the desire of our hearts that when we are gone from this earth, our legacy of love towards others remains engraved in society for the next generation to follow. God has given us this authority to love, and we must never neglect such great power. When we recognize, appreciate, and apply this God-given endowment, then and only then will we be change makers and world shakers.
Introduction
For months, I had been waiting for the moment to finally share what had been on my heart and in my mind for so long. It would seem as though every time I tried to speak up and defend myself against all the things that were negatively spoken against me, the Spirit of the Lord would silence me. For a while, it seemed like He had nearly taken me off the face of the earth because no one had heard from me in months. And anyone that knows me understands that if anything is directed towards me in a negative fashion, it is quickly met with a sharp or harsh word. But this was the first time that I had seen the Lord stand in front of me and declare, “This is My battle, and you will not have to fight.”
I don’t know how else to begin this book other than to give thanks and praise to the Lord of Heaven and Earth. I can’t imagine what my life would be like had I never known the Lord. He has demonstrated such grace and mercy, and I know I would not have made it through any situation without Him.
When I first made the decision to record the events that had happened to me within the last five years as an educator, I believed that I was doing it to simply keep record of things as a personal memoir. I always had a desire to write books and share with the world whatever God placed on my heart; but I did not envision that my first book would discuss the most trying and difficult times of my life. I never imagined that my name would be in headlines across the nation. I never once thought that people outside my sphere of influence would ever hear my voice; but over the years, my name became one that people admired, respected, praised, despised, or feared. I realize that all the things that I had been through thus far were future testimonies of God’s saving grace and power, which would be used to help others in dire situations, and would also draw many to Christ.
There were a few people who told me that it was not a good idea to put my story out there; that I should just forget about what had happened to me, and move on with life. I heard their advice, and I asked the Lord what to do. I could have kept silent about my story and just let time erase all things, but I couldn’t resist the unction to speak once again. It’s like when Jeremiah told the Lord that he would not speak anymore because the people did not believe the Word given to him; but the message of God burned like an unquenchable fire in his soul. How do you contain such unction? How do you tell the Lord, “I won’t speak anymore because it cost too much”? I tell you, it is virtually impossible to restrain such unction. And from that, I realized that it was not my job to worry or fear what others may think or say, but to do what I do best, and that is to speak out.
When I began constructing this book, I asked the Lord to help me consider how to format it. Most books are broken up into selective chapters to help the reader transition from one topic to the next; and although I tried to do that, it didn’t feel authentic to the nature of my story.
The incidents that most people are aware of are not isolated moments, and I have attempted to share with the reader the context of everything to show how it all eventually led to my arrest on November 9, 2010, and my eventual deliverance. Because so much had happened within a few years, I have broken my book into two separate parts. The first portion of my book provides some background information, and also tells the story of my first four years at Rodriguez High School in Fairfield, California through chronological narration; while the second half of the book is divided into daily journal entries that record the events after my arrest, and the emotions I went through while enduring this test.
Throughout the book, the reader will notice that I go from moments of fear to faith to patience. That’s where the title comes from. At times, I am very confident and strong in my faith, and other times I express real fears that I had during the course of the years. But through it all, I had to learn to let patience have its perfect work in me. Patience shows that we are able to wait on God to do what only He can do. My patience is proof that I believe God to give me my breakthrough and my miracle.
Through my story, I want people to see how God’s strength and power were with me immensely throughout these five years. Some will sympathize with the story; others will criticize. But ultimately I pray that my story will show how even when we are in our lowest state, we have someone fighting for us in our corner. Whenever we feel inept to affect change in our society and especially the schools, God gives us the wisdom and might to do what’s right, even in the face of public scrutiny and professional backlash.
To conclude this Introduction, I want to take this moment to say to the scholars (past and present) who embraced my heart and who loved me unconditionally: You are my pride and joy. You brought so much happiness and excitement to my life, and I will never forget you. Nothing that you could ever do, whether to me or to others, will make me hate or despise you. I still pray earnestly for your success and well-being; and while others may mock or ridicule me for the unyielding love I showed towards you, I know that ultimately I did exactly what I was supposed to do in propelling you to the next level. I pray that you will grow in strength, wisdom, and knowledge; but most of all, I pray that you will know the Lord and become a partaker in His divine Kingdom. I pray that the blessings of the Lord will draw you closer to Him; and I pray that God will give me grace and mercy to see some of you again. May all that you do and say bring honor to the One Who made you and called you, and may His peace abide with you forever.
With unconditional love,
Ms. Killings
Chapter 10
I Really Hate This Place--2007-2008 School Year, Second Year at RHS
“It is time for the Lord to act. They have frustrated Your law” (Psalms 119:126 AMP).
When we are confronted with a particular problem, we have the God-given right to provide a resolution to the situation. When that problem affects a segment of society, we must call upon the Lord to act on our behalf. If there is one law that God will not allow us to “frustrate,” it is His commandment to love others. Racism and hatred are direct violations of God’s law of love, and when these demonic forces come to the surface and manifest their destructive work, it is time for the Lord to act.
______________________________________________________________________________
Year two was a huge turning point for me in my teaching career. We had another new principal, but it was the same person who interviewed me at Davis. To be honest, I was a lot more nervous at the start of this year than I was last year. If there was one principal that I needed to have my back during this time, it was that one from the previous year. I wasn’t sure how things would pan out for me, but I knew that in spite of what I felt, God obviously had me there for a reason. I was a bit hesitant about that school year because I wasn’t sure if this principal would give me the same protection that my first administrator gave. But I had to trust God.
For the most part, everything ran rather smoothly for me. I had no trouble with students. I continued teaching cultural history. Unlike the previous year, I had a better relationship with the teachers. Everything was going well for me individually. But like the first year, there was always something going on at that school that disturbed my spirit, and often made me want to leave that site.
Any time I walked around the campus, I could always hear students (no matter their race) saying some of the most racist, insensitive, and intolerant comments I had ever heard. They seemed to say and do things with little concern as to how it would affect others; and they did it with no threat of a consequence. In addition to that, I continued to witness how so many minority students were getting in trouble for the same offenses that non-minority students committed. That school had one assistant principal who always seemed to target the Black students, and I remember how much it bothered me. But I couldn’t really say anything because they were my bosses, right? I wouldn’t even know how to bring up the situation to them, so I continued to do my teaching, and tried to avoid the topic altogether. (This is an issue that many people have. We see a problem going on in our society, and rather than having the courage to say something about it, we let it go on in hopes that one day it will disappear. I wonder what life would have been like if Dr. King, Malcolm X, Harriet Tubman, and others simply ignored the problems of their day. At some point, we have to put aside our fears, and step out in faith. If we want change in our nation, our schools, our churches, and our homes, then we must be ready to act. No one will do a better job of making a difference than you. Be that change agent.)
Whenever minority students complained to me about the discrimination in punishments, I told them that while I understood their anguish, they had to do everything in their power to not draw that negative attention. If they knew they were being targeted, then they needed to simply comply with the school’s rules and regulations even more. I knew that my advice wasn’t alleviating their frustrations too much, but I didn’t know how else to help them avoid this trouble other than to work with them individually.
Even when I seen how my students, who were the “trouble makers” of the school, attempted to do better academically and behaviorally, I noticed that some teachers and administrators continued to “harass” them in spite of their accomplishments. I started to bring this discussion to my classes (as was my custom), and I asked them all (of all races) if they noticed a discrepancy in how administration dealt with the students. To my surprise, they all reported that there was a clear distinction in the way that minority and White students were treated. White students in my class noticed this, and explained that they knew they could get away with things because they were White; but they also indicated that if a Black student did something, they (Blacks) would get in more trouble for committing the same offense. Initially, I assumed that this was only seen by minority students, but when my White scholars spoke on it, I knew that things were more serious than I could have ever imagined.
Now, everyone who knows me understands that I am not the type of person who can simply watch an injustice go by and say nothing about it forever (“Keep justice, do and use righteousness” Isaiah 56:1). Unlike many people, I internalize the hurts of those closest to me; and my students were my children, no matter their race. Even though I was close to them in age, I still saw them as my babies; and if you hurt my children, I’m coming after you.
I could see how much this discrepancy in discipline affected my kids. I knew that if they were in the office all the time, then they missed out on their education. I knew that if they were always suspended, then they would miss days of pertinent instruction, which was not a guarantee that they could make up. Minority students, especially males, are already dealing with a disadvantage in the PUBLIC educational system, and the last thing they needed was extra harassment or mistreatment from their educators. (Conduct research on the Educational Crisis among Minority Males. The statistics will alarm you. The same trend that is found in this particular research was also noticed in the Fairfield-Suisun Unified School District. It wasn’t until this issue was brought to light by me and my heroes that the District was forced to address it. But I’m getting ahead of myself again.)
I will not say for once that my kids were perfect. I had drug dealers in my class; I had drug users in my class; I had prostitutes and pimps in my class. I had students who were violent and outlandish with people. I had all kinds of kids. But there was something working between us. I knew that if I could see the good in them, then if others gave them the chance, then they could see it also. If other teachers and administrators had given them the love, time, and patience that I did, then they would experience the same results. That’s the kind of teacher I was and still am. No matter what wrong they did, I would always be there to help them achieve success and bring them out of this bondage that we call ignorance and self-destruction. I believed in them so much, and many had never experienced that kind of devotion from a teacher. I knew everyone thought that my children connected with me because I was attractive and young, but that mess wears away. Looks and youth are vain, and after a while, one’s personality will have to make the difference. My kids felt my heart and had my spirit, and they knew I was there for them. That’s why they connected to me. That’s why we worked well together. On top of that, I had the presence of God with me, and the anointing attracts people. (Look at the kind of people that flocked to Jesus. I took my cues from Him.)
Seeing the students suffer because of racism, discrimination, and prejudice was killing me. The discrepancies in punishments for minority and non-minority students really hit me hard in April 2008 when a terrible school-wide incident occurred that received national attention because I and my heroes refused to be silent. No other event in my life, besides this rape case that I am dealing with now, had affected me as deeply as that incident. That experience marked for me a turning point in my professional career. I knew that when that event occurred, it would change the course of things for me, and I would no longer be the “golden” teacher that the District hired just a year prior. I knew that by becoming active in that affair, of which I will speak in the next section, I was jeopardizing what I had worked so hard for—a lucrative teaching career within this District. But I also knew that unless someone did something about this racism and prejudice in the system, then it would persist for years, and my children would continue to suffer for future generations. I want the reader to be aware that it is not the act of the crime that had me mostly upset; but the role that the school administrators, your children’s leaders, the same ones who are over the school now, had in IGNORING the crime that made the situation unjust. As I sat back and watched the situation go under the radar, I felt compelled to do something. (We must always remember that children and youth will sometimes do things out of ignorance and stupidity; but it our responsibility as educators and leaders to correct that behavior in a way that will not only deter such crimes from happening again, but also educate our youth to love as Christ loves. That’s our job!).
It is important to note that as time went on, the story of the crime committed on school grounds had changed; but what I share has remained constant. Because I was so immersed in the situation, I purposely recorded the events as they happened day by day. The story told is based on eye witness accounts and my own personal testimony of the event. Whether or not people believe the story is on them; but it is accurate, and I have provided evidence to support what I share. It is the story of what my students (the ones mentioned in the “Dedication”) and I did in order to see change in our school. Little did we know that we would profoundly impact the entire District. I pray that as others read this story, they will feel a sense of urgency to act on behalf of those who are disenfranchised and mistreated. When God gives us a platform to make a change, we must honor Him and fulfill that purpose, regardless of the cost. This was that “Queen Esther” moment that had been given to me when I was just a young a girl. I knew that I could have easily said nothing, and carried on with work as usual; but my children were suffering and hurting. And that burden was too much for me. If I perished by my actions, then that was a risk I had to take.
Copyright 2011 Felecia S. Killings
